15 funny quotations for Christmas cards

 

 Witty Words for Holiday Greetings

 Christmas cards may be an appropriate spot for including clever or comical holiday quotations. Quips, jokes and one-liners are popular inclusions in holiday greetings.

 

Here are 15 favorite funny quotations for Christmas cards and greetings.

 Some of these popular comedic Christmas quotations may sound familiar, while other may be new to some readers. Either way, these statements may provoke thought or inspiration, as well as a few Christmas chuckles. What a wonderful way to spread Christmas joy and raise folks’ spirits during the holidays.

 

What kinds of popular quotation make Santa (and others) chuckle?

Take your pick – for your own Christmas cards and greetings. Why not print your favorite funny Christmas quotations onto your holiday greeting cards, or include them as Christmas card inserts?

 NOTE: Written by this author, this copyrighted material originally appeared on another publisher’s site. That site no longer exists. This author holds all rights to this content. No republication is allowed without permission.

 These favorite funny Christmas quotations are listed here in alphabetical order (by author or speaker).

1.  “You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” Maya Angelou, American Poet and Activist (1928 – 2014)
2.   “It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.” Milton Berle, American Comedian (1908 – 2002)
3.   “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.” Victor Borge, Danish Comedian (1909 – 2000)
4.   “Mail your packages early, so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” Johnny Carson, American Comedian and Television Personality (1925 – 2005)
5.   “Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” Phyllis Diller, American Comedienne (1917 - 2012)
6.   “The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.”
7. Jay Leno, American Comedian and Television Personality (1950 -  )
8.   "I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘Toys not included.’" Bernard Manning, British Comedian (1930 – 2007)
9.   “You can’t fool me—there ain’t no Sanity Clause!” Chico Marx, American Comedian and Actor (1887 – 1961)
10.   “The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husbands.” Joan Rivers, American Comedienne (1933 – 2014)
11.   “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” Shirley Temple, American Actress (1928 – 2014)
12.   “Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” Larry Wilde, American Comedian (1928 – 2023)
13.   “I love Christmas. I receive a lot of presents I can’t wait to exchange.” Henny Youngman, British-American Comedian (1906 – 1998)
14.   “What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.” Author Unknown
15.   “Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles.” Author Unknown

 What is your favorite cute, clever, lighthearted or humorous Christmas quotation? Who said it? Why do you like that funny Christmas quote the most?

 Happy ha-ha-holidays!

 

Related Items:

• Riddle Me Christmas
• The Holy Family’s unexpected guests add fun
• What does your Santa look like?

 

Image/s: public domain artwork

 

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Do decorations ring true?

 

DECORATIONS - for the 2021 Holiday Photography Challenge (See sidebar for full list.).

 

Wreaths are a year-round thing for me. My front door is adorned with a seasonal circle at any time of the year. I have a red floral wreath for Valentine’s Day, a tulip wreath for early spring, a patriotic wreath for Memorial Day … and so on.

 Right now, the front door sports a festive Christmas wreath.

 Lots of people practice such a pattern of decorating.

 

But here’s something I do that might be a little different.

 No matter the season or holiday, I like to hang an ornament inside my front door wreath. Most often, it’s something little with a simple message. It might say, “Joy,” “Peace,” “Love,” or “Welcome,” (I haven’t yet resorted to one saying, “Scram” or “Come back later.”)

 When people step onto my porch to ring the bell, I hope the message in my decorative wreath rings true as well.

 

Because decorations aren’t worth anything without decorum.

 

Image/s: Personal photo/s. All rights reserved.

Feel free to follow on Google Plus and Twitter. Like this blog?  Check out Practically at Home on Facebook. You are invited to visit my author page on Amazon.com.

Who’s brighter than a Border Collie?

BRIGHT - for the 2021 Holiday Photography Challenge (See sidebar for full list.). 

 

 Brookie is the smartest member of our household. We might as well admit it. This dog is scary-smart.  Border Collies are known for their amazing intelligence. Still, this one is extra sharp. (We didn't train her. She trained us.)

 Sure, we have a couple of advanced degrees among us. But she’s way-ay out there, when it comes to perception, empathy, anticipation of pending arrivals, and good old dog sense.

She's also pretty gorgeous.

 

You can see it in her eyes.

 Beg to differ? She’ll give you an entirely different look. She’s just that smart.

 

Image/s: Personal photo/s. All rights reserved.

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Whimsical means wacky and weird, but witty and wonderful

 WHIMSICAL - for the 2021 Holiday Photography Challenge (See sidebar for full list.).

 Please allow me to introduce you to a long-time friend of our family.

 

Meet Ben Dablé (pronounced dah-blay).

 Ben Dablé (The Bendable Santa) made the scene many Christmases before Elf on a Shelf was ever anyone’s notion. And he’s been a family classic ever since.

 Not exactly roly-poly like the popular images of Santa Claus, Ben Dable is merry and mysterious at the same time.

 I’m pretty sure Ben arrived in stores in the late 1970s. He probably cost $1 back then. His matching counterparts have all but vanished, although they may be found via online resale marketplaces. 

(I did find a set of smaller bendable toys, featuring Santa and Rudolph and Frosty, on Amazon.)

 Our extended family used to have a tradition of drawing names for filling Christmas stockings (for the grownups, that is). Somebody tucked Ben Dablé into one of those, reading his name creatively. 

And he became a hit.

 Molded of rubbery polyester and wire-filled, this Christmas character has the ability to contort into all sorts of crazy positions and to hang around just about anywhere in the house.

 Four generations of our family have enjoyed this little guy so far, and we’re just getting started.

 Whimsical? You bet.

 

Image/s: Personal photo/s. All rights reserved.

Feel free to follow on Google Plus and Twitter. Like this blog?  Check out Practically at Home on Facebook. You are invited to visit my author page on Amazon.com.