Clogging up Christmas with funky footwear

 

FUNKY – for the 2021 Holiday Photography Challenge (See sidebar for full list.).

 

This little pair of Dutch wooden shoes (which are actually too little for anyone who has tried them on) came my way a couple of years ago in a holiday gift swapping game. Once I opened the package, no one wanted to swap with me.

 

 These shoes (often called clogs), though somewhat fun, are a little funky for my taste. First, they don’t fit. Second, they have been passed around a bit. Third, I think I’d fall right out of them, if I actually were able to step into them in the first place.

 The dictionary defines “funky” with such words as “informal,” “odd,” “quaint,” “striking,” “unconventional,” or “unusual.” The word can also refer to a stinky sort of smell or a certain form of music carrying a strong dance rhythm.

 You be the judge. Are these funky or simply fun?

 Image/s: Personal photo/s. All rights reserved.

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Fashion: 10 styles we’d love to lose

Changing seasons find us swapping out our wardrobes, choosing clothing styles more suitable for warmer weather. Fashion designers are unveiling the latest looks and casting aside yesterday’s apparel.

Cleaning out my own closet, I’m discarding ridiculous styles like these. Frankly, I’m a little embarrassed to admit owning any of these. (Nope. I don't have them all!) Let’s just say a few items were gifts. Please don’t tell the givers that I’m tossing them.

1. Colored Animal Prints

What creative genius dreamed up purple leopard or neon green zebra prints? That wild blouse is not eco-friendly or figure-flattering, so it’s going to the thrift store, if they’ll take it. Even the zoo wouldn’t want it.

2. Colored Camouflage

Camouflage is great for hunters or soldiers, who choose subtle hues for blending into the background. Pink and tan camouflage cargo pants stand out for all the wrong reasons. What sort of military does a fuchsia flak jacket support? Goodbye, mixed message!

3. Faux Furs and Leathers

Animal rights activists ought to protest faux furs and fake leathers. Perhaps no actual creatures were harmed in the making of that shiny jacket, but onlookers’ eyes may be burned by the sight. Pleather is no pleasure, even for the wearer, and a man-made mink is a desecration of decoration.

4. Fuzzy Vests

Ban the bulk! It’s time to shed those loopy synthetic fuzzy vests. Even a Yeti would find these over-the-top tops to be abominations.

5. Jeggings

Stretch denim leggings can go jump. Jeggings are the epitome of fashion indecision, and it’s time to take a stand. Will you join me? Be bold. Be strong. Pick jeans or leggings, and be done with it already. (And if you go for leggings, please, oh please, choose a long, swingy top. Leggings are not pants!)

6. Pajama Jeans

Real grownups carped about youth flaunting pajama pants in public, so clothing manufacturers offered this quirky compromise. Denim-colored flannel or cotton knit PJ pants are supposed to fake out onlookers. Raise your hand, if you’ve ever mistaken pajama jeans for real pants. I didn’t think so.

7. Rompers

One-piece outfits with shorts, bloomers, or pantaloons may look adorable on toddlers, but abhor-able on adults. Let’s send those rompers to the swamps, unless they come in tiny sizes with snap-tape closures for diaper changes.

8. Rubber Clogs

Gardeners swear by rubber clogs, not for fashion, but because all manner of mush hoses off easily. These casual shoes may be great for the pool or beach, but they offer neither style nor arch support for everyday wear. Charmed, bedazzled, or plain, rubber clogs are not grown-up footwear.

9. Socks with High Heels

For at least two terrifying years, knee socks and anklets have appeared under skirts with high heels. This style, perhaps intended as a funked-up version of the dreaded and long-lost (and now returning) legwarmers, reminds us of the stereotypical tourist with his baggy, droopy socks. Let’s lose this fashion foible fast. Pick panty hose, or dare to go bare-legged, but skip the socks.

10. Three-Quarter Sleeves

Sleeve-tugging has become epidemic with the resurgence of this indecisive style. The three-quarter sleeve fits neither climate nor clothier. Ever tried to slip into a jacket or sweatshirt with one of these tops? Can’t we just pick a long-sleeved shirt and push the arms up, or go all-out and toss on a tee?

The new season will bring remarkable and ridiculous fashions of its own. Mind-boggling trends will persist, as long as style-hungry shoppers continue to snatch them up. In the meantime, I’m making room for fashion finds by shedding old dogs that have outlived their wardrobe welcome.

Image:

Public domain photo

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Flats may be stylish shoes, but I'm flat-out leaving them

In footwear for females, flats are the fad, except for me.

I’m getting a shoe-vorce, citing irreconcilable differences, I’m tossing at least three pairs of flat shoes into the clothing donation bag. I should have dumped them months ago. Whew! I feel much better already.

“Goodbye, closet. Hello, Goodwill.”

I’m flat-out leaving my flats.

Flat shoes come in many forms, from ballet slippers and Mary Janes to loafers and skimmers. Even the ubiquitous basic flip-flop could be tagged a flat. I’m pitching them all.

Flats leave me flat-footed … or worse.

Sure, these kicky little shoes are stylish and trendy right now. Yes, a pair of flexible flats fits nicely into a little handbag for emergency evening use, once those sky-high heels grow cumbersome.

Certainly, flat shoes come in all sorts of adorable patterns, prints, paisleys, and patent leathers. Some are even bejeweled or glittery. What’s more, these simple shoes are available almost anywhere, and often at bargain prices.

But I’m still ditching the flat shoes. Here are six reasons why.

Many of the cutest little flat shoes are styled to cut right across the base of a woman’s toes. That peek-a-boo effect may seem sexy to onlookers, but not to the blister-bound wearer.

I have extremely high arches, and most of today’s flats do not come with any arch support. Their paper-thin pancake-like soles let every step rattle right up the spine as well. After an hour or so in a pair of spiffy skimmers, I’m hunting for a foot massager and a chiropractor reference.

I’m not an aficionado of tottering stilettos or peaking platforms, but I like a little loft in my shoes. A padded foot bed and arched instep seem to prevent all sorts of leg, back, and neck pains. Heck, my running shoes have more guts than a pair of flats.

Even a small heel changes the way a woman stands, offering a slimmer silhouette. Maybe it’s just the way we feel a little fancier in such shoes, but we go with it. We stand up straighter, holding our stomachs in and our shoulders back. Flats don’t have that effect. Instead, flats sort of encourage waddling, which really flatters no one.

Many of the most popular flat shoe styles feature closed toes. By spring and summer, however, any woman who has sat for a post-winter pedicure is likely ready to show off those pretty piggies. By then, I’ve shucked the cold-weather boots, leather clogs, and practical pumps and am already enjoying my favorite sandals. That pair sports three-inch heels.

Ask any woman who stands under 5'5" tall, and you’ll likely discover the final reason I’m dumping my flats. Every half inch counts, particularly with longer pants. Who wants to hem those trousers, when a pair of heels solves the problem much more easily?

That’s my story, heart and sole.

My flats and I have parted ways permanently. Give me a kitten heel, a chunk heel, a platform, or a wedge. We’ll get along just fine.

I’m not growing calloused about it. It’s just time for them to go.

Image:

Adapted from public domain artwork

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Cheap chops: How to cut your own bangs between hair appointments

Have you ever tried to trim your own hair? C’mon. ‘Fess up. It’s time to come clean. We’ve all done this. Even a kindergartner loves to cut hair!

Avoid the rolling salon.

Hey, it happens! My daughter came home from the first day of kindergarten with a not-so-trendy new hairstyle. Although she had boarded the school bus that morning with a darling new haircut, she arrived home with a whole new asymmetrical look.

Her brand-new seatmate on the bus had clipped her locks with safety scissors, as they bounced through a subdivision.

Of course, the bus driver denied this, until I boarded the bus and found the pile of blonde hair under my daughter’s assigned seat. He apologized at length. That afternoon, the principal and superintendent telephoned me personally.

Years later, I have decided to count my blessings that no one decided to take up ear piercing or tattooing on the bouncing bus!

Don’t try this at home. (Of course you will.)

Whether procrastinating or simply trying to stretch our dollars, many of us will occasionally cheat and try to cut our own hair.

In a particularly honest moment, I admitted to my hairstylist that I had trimmed my own hair. She’s known me for over ten years, so this was no news flash. First, she groaned a bit. Then, succumbing to my stubbornness, she showed me how to trim bangs between appointments.

Here’s how to cut your own bangs.

The most important rule is this: Only trim your bangs. Leave the rest to the experts! After all, the bangs are really the most critical portion anyway. If your bangs work, the rest of your style can probably wait a week or two.

Use a comb to separate the bang section. (This usually forms an arc or triangle at the front of your crown.)  Be careful that you do not carve additional lengthy hairs into the bang section.

Fasten the rest of the hair securely out of the way, using gripper jaw clips, barrettes, or hairpins. A little spritz of water or hair gel will help to keep it back.

Comb bangs directly forward. Pinch them between your first two straightened fingers. Pull the bangs tautly down over your nose.

Using a very sharp pair of scissors, gently trim BELOW your fingers (never above them).

For the straightest line, cut from the center out, on each side. This prevents a sloping cut, from one side to another.

Don’t try to cut huge chunks of bangs in each snip. Take your time to achieve the best results.

Always leave bangs much longer than you think you want them. Drying and styling tend to shrink bang length and add lift, which makes them appear much shorter than you thought they were. It’s better to trim your bangs less, and more often, than to hack off too much and regret it!

Make an appointment for a real haircut.

Remember! Do-it-yourself bang trims are only a temporary fix. It’s best to leave feathering, layering, and other techniques to the real stylists.

Do we learn from our haircutting mistakes? Nope! Hand me those scissors, will you?

Image/s:

Cheap chops: How to cut your own bangs between hair appointments

Created by this user, including public domain artwork

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