Witty Words for Holiday Greetings
Christmas cards may be an appropriate spot for including clever or comical holiday quotations. Quips, jokes and one-liners are popular inclusions in holiday greetings.
Here are 15 favorite funny quotations for Christmas cards and greetings.
Some of these popular comedic Christmas quotations may sound familiar, while other may be new to some readers. Either way, these statements may provoke thought or inspiration, as well as a few Christmas chuckles. What a wonderful way to spread Christmas joy and raise folks’ spirits during the holidays.
What kinds of popular quotation make Santa (and others) chuckle?
Take your pick – for your own Christmas cards and greetings. Why not print your favorite funny Christmas quotations onto your holiday greeting cards, or include them as Christmas card inserts?
NOTE: Written by this author, this copyrighted material originally appeared on another publisher’s site. That site no longer exists. This author holds all rights to this content. No republication is allowed without permission.
These favorite funny Christmas quotations are listed here in alphabetical order (by author or speaker).
- “You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” Maya Angelou, American Poet and Activist (1928 – 2014)
- “It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.” Milton Berle, American Comedian (1908 – 2002)
- “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.” Victor Borge, Danish Comedian (1909 – 2000)
- “Mail your packages early, so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” Johnny Carson, American Comedian and Television Personality (1925 – 2005)
- “Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” Phyllis Diller, American Comedienne (1917 - 2012)
- “The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.”
- Jay Leno, American Comedian and Television Personality (1950 - )
- "I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘Toys not included.’" Bernard Manning, British Comedian (1930 – 2007)
- “You can’t fool me—there ain’t no Sanity Clause!” Chico Marx, American Comedian and Actor (1887 – 1961)
- “The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husbands.” Joan Rivers, American Comedienne (1933 – 2014)
- “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” Shirley Temple, American Actress (1928 – 2014)
- “Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” Larry Wilde, American Comedian (1928 – 2023)
- “I love Christmas. I receive a lot of presents I can’t wait to exchange.” Henny Youngman, British-American Comedian (1906 – 1998)
- “What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.” Author Unknown
- “Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles.” Author Unknown
What is your favorite cute, clever, lighthearted or humorous Christmas quotation? Who said it? Why do you like that funny Christmas quote the most?
Happy ha-ha-holidays!
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Image/s: public domain artwork
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