Changing seasons find us swapping out our wardrobes, choosing clothing styles more suitable for warmer weather. Fashion designers are unveiling the latest looks and casting aside yesterday’s apparel.
Cleaning out my own closet, I’m discarding ridiculous styles like these. Frankly, I’m a little embarrassed to admit owning any of these. (Nope. I don't have them all!) Let’s just say a few items were gifts. Please don’t tell the givers that I’m tossing them.
1. Colored Animal Prints
What creative genius dreamed up purple leopard or neon green zebra prints? That wild blouse is not eco-friendly or figure-flattering, so it’s going to the thrift store, if they’ll take it. Even the zoo wouldn’t want it.
2. Colored Camouflage
Camouflage is great for hunters or soldiers, who choose subtle hues for blending into the background. Pink and tan camouflage cargo pants stand out for all the wrong reasons. What sort of military does a fuchsia flak jacket support? Goodbye, mixed message!
3. Faux Furs and Leathers
Animal rights activists ought to protest faux furs and fake leathers. Perhaps no actual creatures were harmed in the making of that shiny jacket, but onlookers’ eyes may be burned by the sight. Pleather is no pleasure, even for the wearer, and a man-made mink is a desecration of decoration.
4. Fuzzy Vests
Ban the bulk! It’s time to shed those loopy synthetic fuzzy vests. Even a Yeti would find these over-the-top tops to be abominations.
Stretch denim leggings can go jump. Jeggings are the epitome of fashion indecision, and it’s time to take a stand. Will you join me? Be bold. Be strong. Pick jeans or leggings, and be done with it already. (And if you go for leggings, please, oh please, choose a long, swingy top. Leggings are not pants!)
6. Pajama Jeans
Real grownups carped about youth flaunting pajama pants in public, so clothing manufacturers offered this quirky compromise. Denim-colored flannel or cotton knit PJ pants are supposed to fake out onlookers. Raise your hand, if you’ve ever mistaken pajama jeans for real pants. I didn’t think so.
One-piece outfits with shorts, bloomers, or pantaloons may look adorable on toddlers, but abhor-able on adults. Let’s send those rompers to the swamps, unless they come in tiny sizes with snap-tape closures for diaper changes.
8. Rubber Clogs
Gardeners swear by rubber clogs, not for fashion, but because all manner of mush hoses off easily. These casual shoes may be great for the pool or beach, but they offer neither style nor arch support for everyday wear. Charmed, bedazzled, or plain, rubber clogs are not grown-up footwear.
9. Socks with High Heels
For at least two terrifying years, knee socks and anklets have appeared under skirts with high heels. This style, perhaps intended as a funked-up version of the dreaded and long-lost (and now returning) legwarmers, reminds us of the stereotypical tourist with his baggy, droopy socks. Let’s lose this fashion foible fast. Pick panty hose, or dare to go bare-legged, but skip the socks.
10. Three-Quarter Sleeves
Sleeve-tugging has become epidemic with the resurgence of this indecisive style. The three-quarter sleeve fits neither climate nor clothier. Ever tried to slip into a jacket or sweatshirt with one of these tops? Can’t we just pick a long-sleeved shirt and push the arms up, or go all-out and toss on a tee?
The new season will bring remarkable and ridiculous fashions of its own. Mind-boggling trends will persist, as long as style-hungry shoppers continue to snatch them up. In the meantime, I’m making room for fashion finds by shedding old dogs that have outlived their wardrobe welcome.
Public domain photo
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